Investing in your spouse

I was at Starbucks this morning trying to get some work done but instead found myself indulged in my favorite hobby - People watching.   I just love watching people and wondering what they are about- imagining their lives and their stories. There was a table where a few men in suits, spoke in deep voices and used big words as they sealed business deals. There were a few buddies at another table, huddled around their computer discussing hush-hush things. There were a few women cozied (is that a word?) up on the couches, looking into each other’s eyes and sharing their hearts. There were a few people sitting alone getting work done. There was a mom, with her two kiddos, grabbing a quick breakfast before what seemed was going to be day full of errands for her. And then I saw something that was too cute to not share. An older couple walked in. The lady, wearing a long frilly flower printed skirt, a shiny polyester blouse and the cute blush of a new bride. The gentleman in a plaid vest and a newsboy cap carried her bag in one hand, and the hand of his love in the other. Aww…I loved it.

 I want that when I am older. I want to still be crazy in love, hand in hand and close by the side of the man I love.

When you have been married for a while, things can easily become far from special. You wake up every morning to the same story – hurrying through breakfast, readying the kids for school, dressing for work, a kiss on the cheek good bye. After a day of work, you come back home, swallow an Advil to kill the pounding in your head, exchange a few niceties on how the day went, quietly get through dinner, do the dishes, catch a TV show and for the most part don’t say much that matters before you hit the pillow. When life is on auto-drive, you don’t have much hope for an out of the ordinary future do you?

The truth is that a lot of what we experience is of our own making. We need to take the reins back from Mr. Mundane, get off of auto-drive and spice things up. We need to go on dates again, make-out in the car (sorry for being too explicit), go for walks, go shopping together and whatever else you really enjoyed doing when you first met.

 To start somewhere let’s take a quick tip from the older couple I saw today. Call your love and make a date.  Ask her/him out for coffee after work today. Don’t worry about making dinner, ask the neighbor to watch the kids for a bit or take them along if you have to – make it a family date. But just change things up. Take the time to hold each other’s hand and forgo the cheek and kiss on the lips.

Take the time to invest in the one who is going to hold your hand in love. 

Love that conquers the world

I read the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan recently. The thoughts I express in this post are heavily inspired by his thoughts expressed in the book and I share them with you.


Frederick Buechner writes in The Magnificent Defeat,


"The love for equals is a human thing - of friend for friend, brother for brother. It is to love what is loving and lovely. The world smiles. The love for the less fortunate is a beautiful thing - the love for those who suffer, for those who are poor, the sick, the failures, the unlovely. This is compassion, and it touches the heart oft he world. The love for the more fortunate is a rare thing - to love those who succeed where we fail, to rejoice without envy with those who rejoice, the love of the poor for the rich, of the black man for the white man. The world is always bewildered by its saints. And then there is the love for the enemy - love for the one who does not love you but mocks, threatens, and inflicts pain.The tortured's love for the torturer. This is God's love. It conquers the world."


Wow! After I read this I just sat in my chair in thought for a long time. So, I strive for the first three of these everyday. To love the lovely, to love the unlovely and to love the more fortunate. I have written about these in my earlier posts. But the last evasive one - Love for the enemy. Ah...it is so beyond me. 
If I am honest, I know I cannot love one who inflicts pain on me, or worse, pain on my child. 
Is that even possible? I surely know where my humanly limit is. Or do I?


Jesus teaches us in Luke 6 v 32-36, of such love:
“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your neighbors, do good to them and lend to them without expecting anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful just as your Father is merciful.”'

Why would God expect of me what I cannot humanly do? The more I think of it the more I know I cannot do it, unless that is, I am completely dependent on Him to be the sole source of this love.

As I feel God is revealing this to me, let me share it with you:
It is about choosing to act differently than how you may be feeling inside. When you have been wronged, hurt, disrespected, it is but human to be filled with feeling of hate, unforgiveness and retaliation. At the point when these feelings are still within us, God is challenging us to act despite the feelings. When I choose to respect one who disrespected me or not retaliate to one who wronged or hurt me and forgive them, I am choosing to tap into God's source of love to do so. If I opted to love from within me, I couldn't, because it is isn't there at the moment. Ah...but that is the imperative phrase...at the moment. You can act one way and feel another way because God is not concerned with petty courtesies. He cares deeply of the intentions of your heart. When you act, do so in spite of how you feel and surrender those feelings that you are not quite sure what to do with, to Him. He is faithful to then deal with them from there. He can bring healing and restoration that no amount of retaliation, revenge or bitterness will ever bring you.
Up for the challenge?

What if???

I have been praying for and focusing on a mercy filled heart. I have been asking God to break my heart for what breaks His and to love unconventionally." I like to believe that what I am about to share with you was an answer from God to this extent; An opportunity to exercise such an attitude.
Last night I was out with a girlfriend for a really late dinner. We went to a restaurant only to find that they had already closed down for the night. It was really dark and cold outside and we were both fumbling with our phones trying to find another place that would be open this late???
In the dark, a small man, wearing a really light pullover, walked up to us. "Can I ask you something?" he asked through chattering teeth. I could tell that his pullover was doing nothing for him and that he was really cold. I already had an idea of where this conversation was going. "Sure. What's up???" I replied. "I am going through a real tough divorce. I lost my home and I am tight with money.  I am $8.00 short for a hotel room up the street. Would you spare some money?"
Many thoughts went through my head in a split second. "Is he speaking the truth? How come none of his family or none of his friends are helping him out? Is he totally playing me? Is he going to go buy drugs or alcohol?"
"Sure" I replied. I stepped a little closer to the light of the restaurant, pulled out a $10.00 from my wallet and handed it to him. "Take care and be safe" I said. He thanked me and walked away.
"Do you really think he is going to get a room?" my friend asked me. "It doesn't matter" I replied.

You see, I am not responsible for his actions. I am only accountable for mine.
The way I see it, one of two things happened in that interaction. Either he was scamming me and just cut me short ten bucks. Honestly, that only hurts me so much (more my ego than my finances). Or he was truly in need of some money to get a room for the night and God needed to use me in that moment.
The truth is that even while all those doubts of his honesty were running through my mind, my heart whispered, WHAT IF he is speaking the truth? I had to make a choice. I decided that  "What if he is lying?" was something I could live with but "What if he really needed it?" was a question that would weigh heavy on my heart.

Maybe you are surrounded with a 'what if' situation in you life. Maybe you are scared that your response to a situation would not produce the result you expected. Well let me tell you, of this I am sure - LOVE is never the wrong choice, regardless of the result. No matter what the other person chooses to make of your response, YOU had a "God- moment". Just what if God was in action through you in that moment.
WHAT IF???