Investing in your spouse

I was at Starbucks this morning trying to get some work done but instead found myself indulged in my favorite hobby - People watching.   I just love watching people and wondering what they are about- imagining their lives and their stories. There was a table where a few men in suits, spoke in deep voices and used big words as they sealed business deals. There were a few buddies at another table, huddled around their computer discussing hush-hush things. There were a few women cozied (is that a word?) up on the couches, looking into each other’s eyes and sharing their hearts. There were a few people sitting alone getting work done. There was a mom, with her two kiddos, grabbing a quick breakfast before what seemed was going to be day full of errands for her. And then I saw something that was too cute to not share. An older couple walked in. The lady, wearing a long frilly flower printed skirt, a shiny polyester blouse and the cute blush of a new bride. The gentleman in a plaid vest and a newsboy cap carried her bag in one hand, and the hand of his love in the other. Aww…I loved it.

 I want that when I am older. I want to still be crazy in love, hand in hand and close by the side of the man I love.

When you have been married for a while, things can easily become far from special. You wake up every morning to the same story – hurrying through breakfast, readying the kids for school, dressing for work, a kiss on the cheek good bye. After a day of work, you come back home, swallow an Advil to kill the pounding in your head, exchange a few niceties on how the day went, quietly get through dinner, do the dishes, catch a TV show and for the most part don’t say much that matters before you hit the pillow. When life is on auto-drive, you don’t have much hope for an out of the ordinary future do you?

The truth is that a lot of what we experience is of our own making. We need to take the reins back from Mr. Mundane, get off of auto-drive and spice things up. We need to go on dates again, make-out in the car (sorry for being too explicit), go for walks, go shopping together and whatever else you really enjoyed doing when you first met.

 To start somewhere let’s take a quick tip from the older couple I saw today. Call your love and make a date.  Ask her/him out for coffee after work today. Don’t worry about making dinner, ask the neighbor to watch the kids for a bit or take them along if you have to – make it a family date. But just change things up. Take the time to hold each other’s hand and forgo the cheek and kiss on the lips.

Take the time to invest in the one who is going to hold your hand in love. 

Love that conquers the world

I read the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan recently. The thoughts I express in this post are heavily inspired by his thoughts expressed in the book and I share them with you.


Frederick Buechner writes in The Magnificent Defeat,


"The love for equals is a human thing - of friend for friend, brother for brother. It is to love what is loving and lovely. The world smiles. The love for the less fortunate is a beautiful thing - the love for those who suffer, for those who are poor, the sick, the failures, the unlovely. This is compassion, and it touches the heart oft he world. The love for the more fortunate is a rare thing - to love those who succeed where we fail, to rejoice without envy with those who rejoice, the love of the poor for the rich, of the black man for the white man. The world is always bewildered by its saints. And then there is the love for the enemy - love for the one who does not love you but mocks, threatens, and inflicts pain.The tortured's love for the torturer. This is God's love. It conquers the world."


Wow! After I read this I just sat in my chair in thought for a long time. So, I strive for the first three of these everyday. To love the lovely, to love the unlovely and to love the more fortunate. I have written about these in my earlier posts. But the last evasive one - Love for the enemy. Ah...it is so beyond me. 
If I am honest, I know I cannot love one who inflicts pain on me, or worse, pain on my child. 
Is that even possible? I surely know where my humanly limit is. Or do I?


Jesus teaches us in Luke 6 v 32-36, of such love:
“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your neighbors, do good to them and lend to them without expecting anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful just as your Father is merciful.”'

Why would God expect of me what I cannot humanly do? The more I think of it the more I know I cannot do it, unless that is, I am completely dependent on Him to be the sole source of this love.

As I feel God is revealing this to me, let me share it with you:
It is about choosing to act differently than how you may be feeling inside. When you have been wronged, hurt, disrespected, it is but human to be filled with feeling of hate, unforgiveness and retaliation. At the point when these feelings are still within us, God is challenging us to act despite the feelings. When I choose to respect one who disrespected me or not retaliate to one who wronged or hurt me and forgive them, I am choosing to tap into God's source of love to do so. If I opted to love from within me, I couldn't, because it is isn't there at the moment. Ah...but that is the imperative phrase...at the moment. You can act one way and feel another way because God is not concerned with petty courtesies. He cares deeply of the intentions of your heart. When you act, do so in spite of how you feel and surrender those feelings that you are not quite sure what to do with, to Him. He is faithful to then deal with them from there. He can bring healing and restoration that no amount of retaliation, revenge or bitterness will ever bring you.
Up for the challenge?

What if???

I have been praying for and focusing on a mercy filled heart. I have been asking God to break my heart for what breaks His and to love unconventionally." I like to believe that what I am about to share with you was an answer from God to this extent; An opportunity to exercise such an attitude.
Last night I was out with a girlfriend for a really late dinner. We went to a restaurant only to find that they had already closed down for the night. It was really dark and cold outside and we were both fumbling with our phones trying to find another place that would be open this late???
In the dark, a small man, wearing a really light pullover, walked up to us. "Can I ask you something?" he asked through chattering teeth. I could tell that his pullover was doing nothing for him and that he was really cold. I already had an idea of where this conversation was going. "Sure. What's up???" I replied. "I am going through a real tough divorce. I lost my home and I am tight with money.  I am $8.00 short for a hotel room up the street. Would you spare some money?"
Many thoughts went through my head in a split second. "Is he speaking the truth? How come none of his family or none of his friends are helping him out? Is he totally playing me? Is he going to go buy drugs or alcohol?"
"Sure" I replied. I stepped a little closer to the light of the restaurant, pulled out a $10.00 from my wallet and handed it to him. "Take care and be safe" I said. He thanked me and walked away.
"Do you really think he is going to get a room?" my friend asked me. "It doesn't matter" I replied.

You see, I am not responsible for his actions. I am only accountable for mine.
The way I see it, one of two things happened in that interaction. Either he was scamming me and just cut me short ten bucks. Honestly, that only hurts me so much (more my ego than my finances). Or he was truly in need of some money to get a room for the night and God needed to use me in that moment.
The truth is that even while all those doubts of his honesty were running through my mind, my heart whispered, WHAT IF he is speaking the truth? I had to make a choice. I decided that  "What if he is lying?" was something I could live with but "What if he really needed it?" was a question that would weigh heavy on my heart.

Maybe you are surrounded with a 'what if' situation in you life. Maybe you are scared that your response to a situation would not produce the result you expected. Well let me tell you, of this I am sure - LOVE is never the wrong choice, regardless of the result. No matter what the other person chooses to make of your response, YOU had a "God- moment". Just what if God was in action through you in that moment.
WHAT IF???

Love -a choice or commandment?

Isn't it ironic that the more I mature in my faith, the more questions I have. To add to the irony, even with all these questions I am very much at peace with the answer "I don't know" and the truth that I will probably never know, this side of eternity.
I used to be concerned that having questions meant I was questioning my faith and in turn questioning God. I now realize, there is nothing further from the truth. The more I reckon I do not know, the more I realize how big, how sovereign, how beyond my comprehension the God of this Universe is. And it gives me great relief. It is good to know that the "Guy-in-charge" is all that and more :)
The reason I share this is because when this "beyond my comprehension" God asks me to love someone I really don't want to love, it is no longer a matter of choice, it is a matter of obedience.
We may like to believe that we get to choose how God should be, but the truth is, the only choice we really have  is to believe in Him or not. Once we have made that choice, we do not get to choose which of His commandments we follow or what about His character we agree with.
 Once you have made the choice to follow Him, the rest is a walk in obedience to Him.
In all honesty, is it really hard to love a just and true God? Is it hard to follow his commandments? In my opinion, it may take a little swallowing of the ego, but His commandments to "Love God with all your heart, mind and soul and love your neighbor like yourself" is as easy as it gets. It doesn't mean that we easily get it right, but at the end of the day, we will always know of the right choice, the right thing to do - LOVE.

The power of forgiveness

Last week we had the most blessed opportunity to host a few boys from the Watoto Restore tour in our home. Check out their story at www.restourtour.org. I do not exaggerate by a bit when I say it was life changing for me and I think safe to assume it was the same for Gody.
Their story is one of great triumph; not just because they are now physically free from the tyranny of the LRA but because I could sense their spiritual freedom from their past that I could only assume haunts them day and night. Almost every other night, on this tour, they publicly announce forgiveness to those who have slain their families, stolen years of their lives, physically harmed them and cost their country a great deal. How were they able to do that?
How was Ali, one of the boys I got to know better over the couple of days, able to forgive the man who killed his father? How were the young women able to forgive those who gang raped them and forced them in to an early life of motherhood? how were the little kids able to forgive those who took the lives of their parents?
They were a live example to an invaluable lesson of life. When you forgive someone, you are not only letting that person free, more importantly you are freeing yourself from hoarding within you ill feelings of despair, hate, contempt, revenge and thereby losing the power to love. The power of forgiveness!!!
Wow! from the mouths of babes...

Love Challenge #5

1 Corinthians 13 v 4 - 7. It reads:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."


"It (love) does not boast"


I have been writing about love and the need for love in this world. I have been encouraging you (or at least I hope I am) to do random acts of kindness, be more expressive about your love and step out of your comfort zone to bring love into this world. If you have been trying some of these things you might be a little giddy about the reactions and results from your actions. People appreciate feeling loved. And this may result in us getting a little haughty, prideful or even boastful. It is interesting that this verse reads ..."love does not boast.."
 A lot of times we are easily sucked into the world of recognition. We tend to thrive on it. We do a few good things, charitable acts, kind deeds and then we can't stop talking about it.  I get it. I really do. I enjoy a pat on the back as much as the next guy. I know it feels good to be recognized for the things that we do. However, the need for recognition can easily become the purpose of the very act itself and that is where we fail. Our actions are no longer selfless, God-driven and edifying. Our acts might still produce result, someone or many may still benefit from it and it can still produce change around us. However, in God's eyes there is much more to our love than meets the eye. The purpose of our hearts, the intent behind the action matters to God. Why? Because he is doing a work in us through it. He is working on our hearts, changing us into who we need to be to fulfill our purpose.
The truth is that most of the time it is not our intention to be boastful or be recognized for what we do. We just get sucked  into that world. 
So, here is my challenge for you (and me):
A good litmus test is to do a sacrificial act of love and never EVER tell anyone (not even your spouse). By sacrificial I mean something that costs you dearly...not necessarily money...it could be time, talent, ego..but go outside your comfort zone...something you won't usually do.  Something that affects you.
It is hard but not impossible.  As we curb the urge to tell, we  are instilling God like character within ourselves. 

I am Loved

The blog below is something I wrote about 8 months ago in my personal journal. I thought I would post it today because it is always great to be reminded of how much each one of us is loved.

Enjoy!

The minute she was born I felt it….a pure, warm feeling in 
m

e. Like nothing I have ever felt before. The word

‘Indescribable' describes it best

Izzy was born a little after midnight following 27 hours of 
intense (for lack of a more intense word) labor. For the 
next 6 weeks she struggled to latch on to nurse and oh 
if only there were words to describe the pain associated 
with that. She is yet to sleep through the night and feels 
like the lights being off means someone needs to be 
singing to her for as long as it is dark…and no, it cannot 
be any kind of recording. She is 9 months old now and to 
date has never gone to sleep without putting on a fight. 
She already has an idea of how things should go in her 
life and will fight you tooth and nail to keep it that way. 
At this very moment she lies next to me, sleeping like an 
angel. Unbeknownst to a stranger is the 30 minute high 
pitch screaming, vicious wriggling and hair pulling that 
preceded this peaceful slumber. Yet as I look at her that, 
now all too familiar, feeling returns. The pure, warm, 
indescribable feeling of love. Not because she is perfect 
but because she is mine.

I close my eyes and think of how God feels the same 
way about me. Izzy’s strong gene of stubbornness is from 
no stranger.  I have failed Him many a times. I have 
refused to rest in His peace insisting on controlling 
everything on my life. I have been unkind, unloving and 
unwise. The grown up version of my 9 month old. 
Yet, the bible says He loves me so. Not because I am the 
perfect child but because I am His.

My eyes still closed, I rest like a child. I am His. I am loved.

Love Challenge #4

1 Corinthians 13 v 4 - 7. It reads:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."


The challenge this week is a little different. It is based on the verse that reads "[Love] does not envy". 
When I was first thinking of this challenge I almost dismissed it because I felt like envy was not something I really struggled with.  Giving it a little more thought changed my perspective a little.


It is true that I do not really experience envy for others' material possessions. However, in all honesty there are times when I am envious of other's state of being. If it is a time that I am going through a particular period of physical pain or hurt in my life, I find myself envious of other's physical wellbeing. Not that I wish for them to experience my pain but I long for the freedom from pain that they are experiencing.  Some days when my dear hubby Godwin and I are in "serious discussions", okay I'll admit it, crazy fights, I long for the peace and content I see in a couple taking a walk hand in hand. Again, I do not wish for their lack of happiness, it is just a longing for betterment in my situation. 


And some may argue that there is nothing wrong with that. Anyone who is sick wishes for health, anyone who is unhappy wishes for true joy etc. And to an extent I agree; but where I see the challenge I seek is in the focus of the moment.


What if when Gody and I are experiencing marital challenges, in stead of looking at someone else's happy relationship and wishing the same for me I focused on them in that moment and celebrated the love and peace they have regardless of where I am at. It may take a little training and disciplining of the mind but it is a true expression of love for someone. It might even benefit me to be in their presence to see how it is that they deal with their differences and issues.


What if when I am not at my physical best, in stead of being envious of my friend who is training for a marathon, I actually call her and encourage her. I am not only loving on her but I might be able to clear my mind of envy for the moment to actually be inspired by her motivation and hard work.


It really does take love to be truly happy for another regardless of the situation one is in. However, as has become our motto, love is a choice. You can choose to love in spite of the feeling. 
So, a challenge it is - love does not envy. 

Free to Love

Love is risky business. I have said it before, I will say it again, love is not a feeling, it is a choice. And when you choose to love you choose to take a risk. When you open your heart to love someone, you open your heart to hurt, humiliation, sorrow, disappointment and worst of all rejection. This causes people to guard their love, give only part of their heart away, forgetting that loving in part is no better than not having loved at all.

It can be scary. However, this fear should not paralyze us in our capacity to love. It may take a conscious effort to live free of these fears but it is possible. It is possible to love with all your heart. 

Are you free to love?

 

Love Challenge #3

1Corinthians 13 v 4 - 7. It reads:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."


This week's challenge - kindness
I have never been a great fan of American Idol (please don't hate me) especially of the audition shows. However, for lack of anything else that caught my interest, I decided to tune in this evening and once again hated it. As good as it is to see people sing well and get their "golden ticket" to Hollywood, I really hate it when crude, sarcastic and unkind words are spoken to people who don't quite make the mark. 
We make movies trying to teach our kids that bullying is bad or making fun of someone is wrong, yet somehow on one of America's number one shows, that is what is done. 
I realize that they are looking for talent and that if you go up there with none whatsoever, you are bound to some kind of humiliation. Especially on national TV. 
All this to say, we have plenty of role models showing us and our children that unkindness is accepted and might even be cool. We need to stand up and be different and be better.
As Mother Tresa says, "If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway."

Love Month

So its February...love month. A month to focus on the wonderful, lovely relationships you have in your life.
They may already know it but remind someone of how much you love them today.

action item: Leave a love note on the bathroom mirror for your spouse to find in the morning.

Commit to Love

I was at my best friend's wedding over the weekend. It was a beautiful wedding. A perfect wedding. As all weddings usually are. Well, except for those weddings you see on AFV where the bride falls face down in the cake or the groom forgets to zip his pants. Sad but kind of funny.
Anyway, needless to say, it took me back to my wedding day. 8 years ago, my love and I sealed our love for each other before God and family and friends. Weddings are beautiful things. It is the point in that special relationship when you realize that love is beyond a feeling, it is a choice. A choice in spite what you feel and so you decide to commit to love till death do you part.
I feel that we can really use this kind of commitment in all our relationships - sibling relationships, friendships, relationships with our parents, co-workers and almost any other relationship we have. Feelings are not reliable indicators of what a relationship's value is. A lot of things can affect the way you feel at any point of time. So, we shouldn't let valuable relationships ride on feelings. Love is a choice; not a feeling. And even though we don't take vows in all of our relationships, they are still valuable and should be treated with the same commitment.
Imagine what this kind of commitment can do to the relationships in your life. Life long friends, precious memories, forgiveness, deeper connections and of course more love.

Love Challenge #2

So, it is time for the next love challenge. I have decided to pull the next few weekly challenges from the Love passage in the Bible.
1Corinthians 13 v 4 - 7. It reads:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

The motivation for this week's challenge is the very first statement of this passage-
"Love is Patient".

So, this week is all about extending my patience. The definition of patience as taken from dictionary.com is

"the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like"

The key - without complaint. This is going to be interesting. So quite honestly, I am really mad that my hubby dearest has yet again forgotten to put the trash out. Hmm...without complaint, I shall do it myself when the little one takes a nap. I guess thats a start.
Its going to be a long week!

Join me in this challenge. Some ways to practice patience:
- do not raise your voice, no matter what (that is going to be a tough one fore me)
- walk/ drive away from a provocative situation- be that your spouse, room mate, or a rash driver.
- spend sometime daily thanking God for all the good in your life. It is hard to lose your patience when you are in an attitude of gratitude.

Got love?

A simple love quote

Love is the Answer that everyone seeks.
Love is the language that every heart speaks.
Helen Steiner Rice

Love Can Move Mountains

Remember this old Celine Dion song - "Love Can Move Mountains". I believe it!

Check out these few verses.

There ain't a dream that don't
Have a chance
To come true now
It just takes a little faith baby
Anything that we want to do
We can do now
There ain't nothing in our way baby
Nothing our love couldn't raise above
We can get through the night
We can get to the light
Long as we got our love to
Light the way
With a little faith
Just a little trust
If you believe in love
Love can move mountains
Believe in your heart
And feel, feel it in your soul
And love baby love can
Move mountains.

Read my blog tomorrow for an inspirational story of someone whose love literally moved mountains.

The Box for Haiti

This week's love challenge is to give. And as I said I would, I dropped of a box for Haiti at a local church that is shipping a container this weekend.

I dressed Izzy up right after her breakfast and we spent the whole morning and quite a bit of the afternoon shopping to fill our box. She was such a sport. Didn't fuss once. We filled it with cotton clothes for kids of all ages, bottles, diapers, formula, but most of all medical supplies.

I had a list and was making my way through it hoping to get done before Izzy's nap time. As I was standing in the medical supplies aisle at the grocers, filling my cart with band aids, antiseptic cream, Motrin, Advil, gauze and so on, I felt a sudden heaviness in my heart. It was as if being forced to slow down and take in the moment. Not really in control of it, tears started pouring down my cheeks and I prayed earnestly for fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, daughters and sons, friends and loved ones who were in pain.

When that box gets to Haiti and the relief workers there open it, they will see a few things they can use that could hardly cover the need around them. However, there is something in that box that the eye does not see but is all powerful. Love.

To you dear loved one, far in distance but near in heart. We have never met but we love you.

"Do It Anyway"

This is one of my favorite quotes, if you may call it a quote. This is Mother Teresa's version of the "The Paradoxical Commandments" originally written by Dr. Kent M. Keith. This version is said to have been found written on the wall in Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta (and personally I like it a little better :)

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

So true. I try to remind myself of these words often. I would hate to get to the end of my life and look back to see that I lived it based on other's lives. I want to be me anyway, in spite of anyone. I want to love anyway.

A Walk Down Memory Lane and then some cookies

Jan 13th, two years ago, I made a special call to my mom. "We're having a baby" I screamed into the phone even before she could say hi.

It was my 30th birthday and we had just found out that we were having our first baby. Being pregnant was so much fun - emotions, cravings, extreme fatigue, backache, giggles, heightened sense of smell, nausea...you get the point. It was also when I felt the most out of control of everything in my life and needed constant support and encouragement.

So today I decided that I would buy some flowers for a dear friend who is expecting her first baby and bake some chocolate chip cookies for another friend who is expecting her second. It was a joy for me to pick out the flowers and bake with my little assistant close at hand. I love both these women and wish the best for them. Be blessed dear friends. I pray for safe pregnancies and EASY DELIVERIES :)

Love Challenge #1

HAITI!

So, here is my first weekly love challenge

Give.

My pastor often says: "You can give without loving but you cannot love without giving."

So true. Love is more than a warm fuzzy feeling. Love beckons action. So I am stepping outside the "oh thats so sad" box and into the "What can I do to help?" box.

There are many disaster relief agencies that are raising resources for Haiti. I visited the site of a local church that is collecting items that they need the most in Haiti to send over to at the soonest. The deadline for collection is Wednesday. So over the next few days I will fill a box and drop it off on Tuesday evening. I will update you on my progress:)

If you have some ideas or information on how to help Haiti...leave a comment for all to read.

In case you are local and want to join in on the effort with me. Here is the list of things I will be collecting:

Medications/Medical Supplies:
Aspirin, Motrin, Benadryl, Neosporin/antibiotic cream, cough medication, ace bandages, gauze, latex gloves, thermometers, alcohol, scissors, Band-Aids and multi-vitamins.

Other items:
Small stuffed animals for children, cardboard boxes, sheets and blankets, children’s t-shirts and shorts, undergarments, socks, shoes, diapers, baby bottles and formula.

Dare to Love?

A few days ago a young friend asked me - "What is your new year resolution?" I didn't take but a moment to answer. I had been thinking of it for a few weeks now. "To Love better" I said with a grin as if just the words exiting my mouth made them magically come true. NOT. Oh if it were only that easy!

You know that feeling that bubbles within when your toddler throws herself on the floor in a tantrum at the check out stand at Target, or when a Humvee cuts you off in traffic as if the road is his backyard, or your spouse steps over the basket of laundry that you strategically placed by his side of the bed, because he still believes in the "laundry fairy". I can assure you that feeling is not love.

However, a truth has taken root in my heart. A simple yet profound truth. And I wish for it to reflect in my life - in my thoughts, in my words and in my actions.

That truth - LOVE NEVER FAILS.

You see, love is compounding in nature. It does not sit back and not act. It does not withhold. It does not go forth without effect. Love does not end.

Its going to be a challenge but not impossible.

I hope to post a small love note everyday (pray for me). Please leave comments and suggestions and even better join with me.

Dare to love?