Investing in your spouse

I was at Starbucks this morning trying to get some work done but instead found myself indulged in my favorite hobby - People watching.   I just love watching people and wondering what they are about- imagining their lives and their stories. There was a table where a few men in suits, spoke in deep voices and used big words as they sealed business deals. There were a few buddies at another table, huddled around their computer discussing hush-hush things. There were a few women cozied (is that a word?) up on the couches, looking into each other’s eyes and sharing their hearts. There were a few people sitting alone getting work done. There was a mom, with her two kiddos, grabbing a quick breakfast before what seemed was going to be day full of errands for her. And then I saw something that was too cute to not share. An older couple walked in. The lady, wearing a long frilly flower printed skirt, a shiny polyester blouse and the cute blush of a new bride. The gentleman in a plaid vest and a newsboy cap carried her bag in one hand, and the hand of his love in the other. Aww…I loved it.

 I want that when I am older. I want to still be crazy in love, hand in hand and close by the side of the man I love.

When you have been married for a while, things can easily become far from special. You wake up every morning to the same story – hurrying through breakfast, readying the kids for school, dressing for work, a kiss on the cheek good bye. After a day of work, you come back home, swallow an Advil to kill the pounding in your head, exchange a few niceties on how the day went, quietly get through dinner, do the dishes, catch a TV show and for the most part don’t say much that matters before you hit the pillow. When life is on auto-drive, you don’t have much hope for an out of the ordinary future do you?

The truth is that a lot of what we experience is of our own making. We need to take the reins back from Mr. Mundane, get off of auto-drive and spice things up. We need to go on dates again, make-out in the car (sorry for being too explicit), go for walks, go shopping together and whatever else you really enjoyed doing when you first met.

 To start somewhere let’s take a quick tip from the older couple I saw today. Call your love and make a date.  Ask her/him out for coffee after work today. Don’t worry about making dinner, ask the neighbor to watch the kids for a bit or take them along if you have to – make it a family date. But just change things up. Take the time to hold each other’s hand and forgo the cheek and kiss on the lips.

Take the time to invest in the one who is going to hold your hand in love. 

Love that conquers the world

I read the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan recently. The thoughts I express in this post are heavily inspired by his thoughts expressed in the book and I share them with you.


Frederick Buechner writes in The Magnificent Defeat,


"The love for equals is a human thing - of friend for friend, brother for brother. It is to love what is loving and lovely. The world smiles. The love for the less fortunate is a beautiful thing - the love for those who suffer, for those who are poor, the sick, the failures, the unlovely. This is compassion, and it touches the heart oft he world. The love for the more fortunate is a rare thing - to love those who succeed where we fail, to rejoice without envy with those who rejoice, the love of the poor for the rich, of the black man for the white man. The world is always bewildered by its saints. And then there is the love for the enemy - love for the one who does not love you but mocks, threatens, and inflicts pain.The tortured's love for the torturer. This is God's love. It conquers the world."


Wow! After I read this I just sat in my chair in thought for a long time. So, I strive for the first three of these everyday. To love the lovely, to love the unlovely and to love the more fortunate. I have written about these in my earlier posts. But the last evasive one - Love for the enemy. Ah...it is so beyond me. 
If I am honest, I know I cannot love one who inflicts pain on me, or worse, pain on my child. 
Is that even possible? I surely know where my humanly limit is. Or do I?


Jesus teaches us in Luke 6 v 32-36, of such love:
“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your neighbors, do good to them and lend to them without expecting anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful just as your Father is merciful.”'

Why would God expect of me what I cannot humanly do? The more I think of it the more I know I cannot do it, unless that is, I am completely dependent on Him to be the sole source of this love.

As I feel God is revealing this to me, let me share it with you:
It is about choosing to act differently than how you may be feeling inside. When you have been wronged, hurt, disrespected, it is but human to be filled with feeling of hate, unforgiveness and retaliation. At the point when these feelings are still within us, God is challenging us to act despite the feelings. When I choose to respect one who disrespected me or not retaliate to one who wronged or hurt me and forgive them, I am choosing to tap into God's source of love to do so. If I opted to love from within me, I couldn't, because it is isn't there at the moment. Ah...but that is the imperative phrase...at the moment. You can act one way and feel another way because God is not concerned with petty courtesies. He cares deeply of the intentions of your heart. When you act, do so in spite of how you feel and surrender those feelings that you are not quite sure what to do with, to Him. He is faithful to then deal with them from there. He can bring healing and restoration that no amount of retaliation, revenge or bitterness will ever bring you.
Up for the challenge?

What if???

I have been praying for and focusing on a mercy filled heart. I have been asking God to break my heart for what breaks His and to love unconventionally." I like to believe that what I am about to share with you was an answer from God to this extent; An opportunity to exercise such an attitude.
Last night I was out with a girlfriend for a really late dinner. We went to a restaurant only to find that they had already closed down for the night. It was really dark and cold outside and we were both fumbling with our phones trying to find another place that would be open this late???
In the dark, a small man, wearing a really light pullover, walked up to us. "Can I ask you something?" he asked through chattering teeth. I could tell that his pullover was doing nothing for him and that he was really cold. I already had an idea of where this conversation was going. "Sure. What's up???" I replied. "I am going through a real tough divorce. I lost my home and I am tight with money.  I am $8.00 short for a hotel room up the street. Would you spare some money?"
Many thoughts went through my head in a split second. "Is he speaking the truth? How come none of his family or none of his friends are helping him out? Is he totally playing me? Is he going to go buy drugs or alcohol?"
"Sure" I replied. I stepped a little closer to the light of the restaurant, pulled out a $10.00 from my wallet and handed it to him. "Take care and be safe" I said. He thanked me and walked away.
"Do you really think he is going to get a room?" my friend asked me. "It doesn't matter" I replied.

You see, I am not responsible for his actions. I am only accountable for mine.
The way I see it, one of two things happened in that interaction. Either he was scamming me and just cut me short ten bucks. Honestly, that only hurts me so much (more my ego than my finances). Or he was truly in need of some money to get a room for the night and God needed to use me in that moment.
The truth is that even while all those doubts of his honesty were running through my mind, my heart whispered, WHAT IF he is speaking the truth? I had to make a choice. I decided that  "What if he is lying?" was something I could live with but "What if he really needed it?" was a question that would weigh heavy on my heart.

Maybe you are surrounded with a 'what if' situation in you life. Maybe you are scared that your response to a situation would not produce the result you expected. Well let me tell you, of this I am sure - LOVE is never the wrong choice, regardless of the result. No matter what the other person chooses to make of your response, YOU had a "God- moment". Just what if God was in action through you in that moment.
WHAT IF???

Love -a choice or commandment?

Isn't it ironic that the more I mature in my faith, the more questions I have. To add to the irony, even with all these questions I am very much at peace with the answer "I don't know" and the truth that I will probably never know, this side of eternity.
I used to be concerned that having questions meant I was questioning my faith and in turn questioning God. I now realize, there is nothing further from the truth. The more I reckon I do not know, the more I realize how big, how sovereign, how beyond my comprehension the God of this Universe is. And it gives me great relief. It is good to know that the "Guy-in-charge" is all that and more :)
The reason I share this is because when this "beyond my comprehension" God asks me to love someone I really don't want to love, it is no longer a matter of choice, it is a matter of obedience.
We may like to believe that we get to choose how God should be, but the truth is, the only choice we really have  is to believe in Him or not. Once we have made that choice, we do not get to choose which of His commandments we follow or what about His character we agree with.
 Once you have made the choice to follow Him, the rest is a walk in obedience to Him.
In all honesty, is it really hard to love a just and true God? Is it hard to follow his commandments? In my opinion, it may take a little swallowing of the ego, but His commandments to "Love God with all your heart, mind and soul and love your neighbor like yourself" is as easy as it gets. It doesn't mean that we easily get it right, but at the end of the day, we will always know of the right choice, the right thing to do - LOVE.

The power of forgiveness

Last week we had the most blessed opportunity to host a few boys from the Watoto Restore tour in our home. Check out their story at www.restourtour.org. I do not exaggerate by a bit when I say it was life changing for me and I think safe to assume it was the same for Gody.
Their story is one of great triumph; not just because they are now physically free from the tyranny of the LRA but because I could sense their spiritual freedom from their past that I could only assume haunts them day and night. Almost every other night, on this tour, they publicly announce forgiveness to those who have slain their families, stolen years of their lives, physically harmed them and cost their country a great deal. How were they able to do that?
How was Ali, one of the boys I got to know better over the couple of days, able to forgive the man who killed his father? How were the young women able to forgive those who gang raped them and forced them in to an early life of motherhood? how were the little kids able to forgive those who took the lives of their parents?
They were a live example to an invaluable lesson of life. When you forgive someone, you are not only letting that person free, more importantly you are freeing yourself from hoarding within you ill feelings of despair, hate, contempt, revenge and thereby losing the power to love. The power of forgiveness!!!
Wow! from the mouths of babes...

Love Challenge #5

1 Corinthians 13 v 4 - 7. It reads:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."


"It (love) does not boast"


I have been writing about love and the need for love in this world. I have been encouraging you (or at least I hope I am) to do random acts of kindness, be more expressive about your love and step out of your comfort zone to bring love into this world. If you have been trying some of these things you might be a little giddy about the reactions and results from your actions. People appreciate feeling loved. And this may result in us getting a little haughty, prideful or even boastful. It is interesting that this verse reads ..."love does not boast.."
 A lot of times we are easily sucked into the world of recognition. We tend to thrive on it. We do a few good things, charitable acts, kind deeds and then we can't stop talking about it.  I get it. I really do. I enjoy a pat on the back as much as the next guy. I know it feels good to be recognized for the things that we do. However, the need for recognition can easily become the purpose of the very act itself and that is where we fail. Our actions are no longer selfless, God-driven and edifying. Our acts might still produce result, someone or many may still benefit from it and it can still produce change around us. However, in God's eyes there is much more to our love than meets the eye. The purpose of our hearts, the intent behind the action matters to God. Why? Because he is doing a work in us through it. He is working on our hearts, changing us into who we need to be to fulfill our purpose.
The truth is that most of the time it is not our intention to be boastful or be recognized for what we do. We just get sucked  into that world. 
So, here is my challenge for you (and me):
A good litmus test is to do a sacrificial act of love and never EVER tell anyone (not even your spouse). By sacrificial I mean something that costs you dearly...not necessarily money...it could be time, talent, ego..but go outside your comfort zone...something you won't usually do.  Something that affects you.
It is hard but not impossible.  As we curb the urge to tell, we  are instilling God like character within ourselves. 

I am Loved

The blog below is something I wrote about 8 months ago in my personal journal. I thought I would post it today because it is always great to be reminded of how much each one of us is loved.

Enjoy!

The minute she was born I felt it….a pure, warm feeling in 
m

e. Like nothing I have ever felt before. The word

‘Indescribable' describes it best

Izzy was born a little after midnight following 27 hours of 
intense (for lack of a more intense word) labor. For the 
next 6 weeks she struggled to latch on to nurse and oh 
if only there were words to describe the pain associated 
with that. She is yet to sleep through the night and feels 
like the lights being off means someone needs to be 
singing to her for as long as it is dark…and no, it cannot 
be any kind of recording. She is 9 months old now and to 
date has never gone to sleep without putting on a fight. 
She already has an idea of how things should go in her 
life and will fight you tooth and nail to keep it that way. 
At this very moment she lies next to me, sleeping like an 
angel. Unbeknownst to a stranger is the 30 minute high 
pitch screaming, vicious wriggling and hair pulling that 
preceded this peaceful slumber. Yet as I look at her that, 
now all too familiar, feeling returns. The pure, warm, 
indescribable feeling of love. Not because she is perfect 
but because she is mine.

I close my eyes and think of how God feels the same 
way about me. Izzy’s strong gene of stubbornness is from 
no stranger.  I have failed Him many a times. I have 
refused to rest in His peace insisting on controlling 
everything on my life. I have been unkind, unloving and 
unwise. The grown up version of my 9 month old. 
Yet, the bible says He loves me so. Not because I am the 
perfect child but because I am His.

My eyes still closed, I rest like a child. I am His. I am loved.